Day 10

For those of you who know me, this will not come as much of a suprise----I have issues with liking things in their place, being neat and tidy, and matching (or "matchy-matchy" as one of my best friends calls it). My socks are color-coded in their drawer, I fight a daily war against clutter in my house, my patients' rooms were always tidy and their blankets neatly folded across them on the bed (yes, I'm one of THOSE nurses), and I just don't feel right if my jewelry doesn't match or my shoes don't match my handbag. Already, those of you close to me are thinking, "Oh yeah, that's her all right!".

They say self-recognition is the first step towards recovery. Sometimes I feel that my incessant need for tidiness, order, and matching prevents me from being as efficient, relaxed, and even fashionably trendy as I would like to be. So, this week I did an experiment to see if I could make progress towards loosening up a bit in some of these areas.

I didn't really plan to test the waters of my insanity, but an opportunity arose that I decided to grab ahold of. Last Sunday night, I painted my nails a very pale pink with a touch of sparkle (because Sunday night is "nail night", just like Tues, Thur, and Sat are "eyebrow tweezing nights", etc...). On my very last nail, the dog came in and placed his head on my lap, causing me to accidentally bump and smudge my pretty pink thumb.

Now, of course my first reaction was, "Great, now I'm gonna have to take all those layers of pink and clear polish off and start over". No- to be honest my first reaction was to call my beloved Mastiff who only wanted some love and affection....well, a name that did not display love and affection. His poor, dejected look made me stop and think about how silly I was being to overreact that way over a stupid painted thumbnail.

So I told myself that the world was NOT going to end if I went all week with a small smudge on a nail- in fact, I doubted anyone would even notice. In fact, I decided that I was going to purposefully leave it in place all week just to prove a point to myself- get over it, things do NOT have to be perfect.  And even thought the little Monk on my shoulder gave me grief for the first 24 hours or so, I am happy to report it is now Friday and my smudged thumbnail remains.

I know it may sound silly to you that I had to coach myself into being ok with something so miniscule. And...you'd be right. But, I run full disclosure on my OCD issues, and hope that this was a first step of many towards a less rigid, tidy, and matchy-matchy life. Who knows what I will try next? Maybe brown shoes with a black purse. Or maybe I'll leave my dirty clothes on the floor overnight. Or maybe I'll even put a pair of socks and t-shirt in the load of laundry usually reserved only for towels and linens! Maybe.

And as small as my struggle may be, I know there are plenty of people out there who struggle with all sorts of personal "issues" that they are fighting to be better at, recover from, or maybe just learn how to live with. But even if it's one fingernail at a time, keep up the fight, my friends- you can do it!

Today's Positivity Pic symbolizes  self-improvement, and celebrates the milestones we make, no matter how small, towards meeting a goal.