I put on my jeans.
Now, some of you may wonder what the big deal is. But others will know immediately what I mean.
Will they fit? Will I have to suck in my gut in order to get the button fastened? Will they leave marks on my belly after sitting down for fifteen minutes? Will I be able to eat a meal without feeling like I have to undo the button or risk it popping off and poking someone's eye out? And most dreaded of all-- will I have a camel toe?
I pulled out the first pair in line from my closet- because yes, I have all my jeans in line by when I last wore them. The ones in back of the line were worn last, meaning the ones in front have been worn the least. As I unhooked the hangar, I mentally groaned at what was in my hand- these jeans were in front for a reason.
I have never worn them, because they have never fit.
You know how it goes. We all have "fat" jeans and "skinny" jeans, depending on how we feel that day. I bought these last Black Friday, mistakenly trusting the size on the label to be true without trying them on (the line for the dressing room was ridiculous and I had bought this brand of jean before). But when I got them home, I discovered that there was no way the button was making it to the button hole without some serious camel toe and belly marks.
I put them back in the closet, with that mental hope so many of us have had before- "I'll keep them until next year, when I have lost enough weight to fit into them". Hence, they have stayed at the front of the jean line, awaiting the Fall of 2014 when they would be put to the camel toe test once more.
If anyone would have been in the bathroom with me as I tried them on, I probably would have been committed to a local Behavioral Health Unit. I closed the door and stood with the jeans in my hands in front of me, giving myself a pep talk- "It's ok if they don't fit. It's ok if they don't fit. Oh for the love of God please fit over my ass".
From ankles to knees was relatively uneventful, but everyone knows the real test comes at the thighs. A woman knows if a pair of pants is going to fit well before they ever make it to her rear end. If the thighs are snug and you have to do a little hop in order to shove your lower butt cheeks into the material- It's gonna be a no-go. But, for some reason we continue on, sure that once they are all the way up they will somehow magically loosen a bit- kind of like pantyhose.
With my eyes closed, I pulled the jeans from knee to hip, then all the way "up and over". Astonished, I looked in the mirror to watch as I got the button into the button hole. They weren't loose, but there was definitely no camel toe.
Well I'll be damned.
The happy dance ensued, including multiple turns in the mirror to look at my butt (holy crap it fit in there!).
Tonight's picture celebrates that unmistakable feeling that a great-fitting pair of jeans gives you, and reaping rewards of hard work. I guess all of the swimming, biking, and running has had some benefits after all. So I wish all of you the best of luck as you put away your bathing suits that you will try on again next year, and pull out your skinny jeans from the front of the line.
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