- I woke up late. This was further compounded by a crisis with the 10-year old concerning underwear. Apparently, he didn't have any clean boxers, and briefs make his "ball sack feel funny". As I do not own a ball sack, I didn't feel I had much room for argument, and helped him search through the clean laundry baskets for a pair of boxers.
- My husband called me on my way to work to tell me they had lost both a 12-year old and a suicide last night.
- Our staffing at work was all messed up, making assignments and the beginning of everyone's shift chaotic.
- Our patients are so much sicker right now- my Respiratory Therapist friend calls it "stupid busy'. This keeps every nurses' workload high, leaving less room for staff nurses to help each other. So I forgoed my slated afternoon office work. Instead, I started and took out IVs, inserted tubes into stomachs, gave a bath, answered call lights, started IV drips, and talked with a family about how we would go about removing life support since their loved one was now declared to be brain dead.
- Two patients that I am quite fond of just are not progressing like I would like them to, despite excellent care. Both have taken backward steps, and I had to speak with their families today.
- I got home 2 hours later than usual, with work to do since I missed out on office time and have a meeting at 7:30 that I need to prep for.
- Due to getting home late, my 10-year old missed his basketball practice. Again.
Yeah- and it's only Monday.
But once I sat down and made myself search for the positive among all of the above, I discovered it really was there.
It was in the comment made by the patient who I helped bathe and said how it felt so good to get lotion put on his legs and feet and feel clean.
It was in the way that my husband seemed to be almost waiting to tell me about his shift, knowing I would listen and understand what it was like to lose people you work so hard to save, at the same time rubbing my shoulders without asking to help ease away the tension from my own day.
It was in the way that I DID see staff help each other when they could, making sure patients still got turned and no nurse was alone when a new admit came or a patient had an acute event.
It was in the way several patients and family members today went out of their way to tell me about the nurses that they have come to love, and how they couldn't thank us enough for what we do.
And it was in the way that my 10-year old, ball sack and all, kissed me good night and told me, "I love you".
I have had several people who read my blog tell me about how they keep similar journals and/or daily reflections to help remind them at the end of the day what to be grateful for. I haven't written anything personal down every day since my "Annie" (as in The Sun'll Come Out..) diary back in about....3rd grade. I am so glad I have started.
Today's pic is of my blog. Because today, it prevented me from wallowing in self-pity and Vodka. My liver is thankful, but so is my heart. One of my friends said it so well- some days you have to look with intention for something positive, but chances are, if you do, you will find it.
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